Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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