Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
