Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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