i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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