forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
