i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
