I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
