i just google imaged poop.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You need Xanax blowdarts
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
