hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
