just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
