Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
