TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
