i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize