Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
