Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize