Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
