every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
