You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
