She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think a kid would responsible me up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
