we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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