I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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