She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
