today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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