i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
