She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize