So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
