what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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