69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
