i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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