I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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