You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she looked like the before picture.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize