I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
