What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
