The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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