I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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