He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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