dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
