you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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