I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
