Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
