just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
