Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Green mimosas i think yes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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