If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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