Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
