you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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