Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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