how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
