i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
