So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
