Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
