Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
