i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
