I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
