Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
