ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
this hospital has no fireball
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
