After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
