In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
