tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
