i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
