Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
