Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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