I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
