i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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