Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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