all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
