It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
