are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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