But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
