if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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