hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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