It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
