I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
