i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
