he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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