he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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