if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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