Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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