i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
