Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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