UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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