I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
