True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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