Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
