I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
