he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
