You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
