Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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