somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
