I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
