oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
