He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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