If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
