Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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