i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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