he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
