Your face is a jimmy john
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
