I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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