3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize