Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
