Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
