porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
