And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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