also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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