...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
