I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
