He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
