based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
